January 2010 and goals are set

I have booked my T Time @ my favorite course. Just leave it to me to book the wrong side though.....My date is May 9th, Mothers Day with my 2 sons and hubby! So to prepare I have joined Planet Fitness and today was my first real workout EVER.

Did 30 minutes on the tread mill, 20 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes with stretching machines. Working the core body parts. Plan is to go 4 days per week. Not looking to get skinny or build muscle, I want to enhance my ability to function 7 days per week with less down time...less time in bed. I am sure my heart is way out of shape. I may fail, who knows. I will never know IF I don't try and then I can say I put a 110% effort into it!

So I guess that would be goal # 2.....endurance, # 1 golf a good game.

As far as my mental therapy, this is going well. I have poured myself into my kitchen, creating things....making homemade breads, butter.....different meals. This is helping me with my concentration, reading ingredients and remembering. Taking the time to finish with out being frustrated because I have to read and re-read before it sticks. I have had to read out load to make it work.

I go to Dr doubeni Friday.....while he was on vacation I had to call in about my sinuses, wow they were getting bad or at least my hunch told me that is what was going on with pressure. Got 10 days of antibiotics, also went to my eye Dr to make sure my eyes were OK. He agreed it's in the sinuses. I do however have severe dry eyes and the drops help with the burning. I was pressure free for about 5 days on the med's.....gonna make this # 3 of the New Year to get this under control.

I don't plan on over loading myself with goals.....way to hard to complete everything all in 1 year. I did good last year, have come a long long way. I have dates set for events and places to go.....So I am gonna hold off on making any further goals till the end of February, see how I am doing. Set a date to re look at my date book, see how much I can push myself safely.

Last year or maybe it was even 2008, I had sent a letter to all my family including In Laws. A request to get close again, say my I'm sorrys and ask for forgiveness for NOT being part of anything for 3 years. It has improved my relationships with nearly everyone! Sad that it never took hold with my only sibling, my younger brother...

This was my last difficult Christmas with my feelings and emotions about my brother. I have now finally after so so many years finally closing that chapter. For it is not I that has wronged nor is it I who won't make time or even want time. My brother is prejudice and judgemental towards me and my family. For reasons that are so ignorant....money, my address, my failures. It has taken me many years to fully know just why he has looked down on my life, I prayed to know why.....I found out and it is bitter sweet knowing the truth when you want to know the truth no matter what it is. Don't ever wish or seek to know truths unless you are fully prepared.

The wonderful thing is I forgive him. By forgiving it doesn't mean I have to forget and I am sure in time I will forget. In seeking the truth it has made my relationship closer with my Mother. For she knows....casts no judgement on me. So I guess you could say this would be # 4, inner peace about my life:

The valleys I have looked up from, climbed from. The mountain tops I have reached and looked down from. All the things I have tried, the lessons I have learned from adventures not gone as dreamed. Yes peace for getting out of bed everyday and making an effort how ever right or wrong it may have been or will be....to keep trying. Peace is a powerful word and a powerful thing to posses. I will hold onto this inner peace as my # 4 goal till it becomes so natural I no longer have to have it as a goal.